I don’t like this. Last time I felt like this, I downed ten pills and felt like hell the next day. Then at least I had a reason. Now? Not so much.

I should be happy. But today I feel like everything is kind of a lie. I don’t know. Stress has been getting to me and I dont trust anyone. Awesome. My skin is a mess and I feel disgusting. Fun!

I should be happy. A boy has put up with me for a month. Work isn’t bad. Home is so-so. But things aren’t bad. And I want to go hide from life. Awesome.

I cooked last night. That was good. Sausage and peppers. Huzzah.

Decided to take a walk today to get lunch and went around the reservoir to cut about ten minutes off my jaunt. I enjoy the shortcut as it takes me through some woods, which I am more than fond of.

I didn’t learn until later that the gas station I passed on the way to mcdonalds had been held up, hence the cop cars and whatnot. Whoops.

Got back to my office and enjoyed my food though, which was good. And now I am sluggish and warm and tired. Awesome.

Today is a day that leads to addictions.
Today would cause someone to give up on life.
Today I find myself wondering,
“is the phrase ‘do not exceed 6 pills in 24hrs’ a hard and fast rule?
“Or is it more of a guideline?”
I’m at eight right now.
Eight in three hours.
I just want to stop feeling for a bit
You would figure
Mass quantities of pain killers
Would be the way to go.

Do you remember,
Not the fifth of November,
But when you could fix a problem
By running away from home?
At least, we thought we could.
Some crackers and a teddy bear stuffed in a bag
It was all we needed
Our mom would worry;
Sure, we’d be spanked for it later
But we knew she gave a damn.

And now
We are the only ones who need to convince us that we actually care
As we forget ourselves over and over again.

I’ll just hide in my room since an adult who runs away from home is simply on vacation

And I’m too poor for that.

I’m sick of stressing myself put all the time. I’m sick of being exhausted constantly. Sick of being broke and feeling hated by my family.

But whatever. Hopefully having a good weekend coming up. Going to Derek’s cabin and will hopefully not be eaten by a bear. But who knows.

Went out last night with some friends to Alive at Five. It’s weird to go see a band play under the highway. Loud and crowded too. Fun though.

Thank god it’s nice out because the bus is late. I’m standing here and should have left a while ago and I’m going to be late for my 5pm shift at Apple.

At least it’s nice out. Thank god for beautiful clouds and decent cell phone cameras.

My lower back is attempting to kill me. Not fun. Anyway.

It’s Tuesday an once again I am working two jobs. Nothing too special, I’m just getting tired and bored and this feeling is getting old.

Went to Price Chopper with Samm and Michelle at lunch and didn’t realize I had picked up a bunch of dairy until I was filling my desk drawer with lunch for the next week or so. Oops.

For those of you unaware, dairy makes me all goopy in the throat and I spend an hour clearing my throat after eating. It’s great.

I’m a dumbass, what can I say?

I’m on break right now, ready as ever to go the hell home. It rained earlier so the mall has been mostly empty. Mostly.

If I haven’t mentioned it before, I love mashed potatoes. Just another way to know life is good. The same goes for chicken fingers.

The time for me to go home is ever-approaching. Thankfully. Not sure how much longer I will be able to hold out.

Had to explain to someone today why downloading music on things like limewire might be a bad idea at work, even if done on a personal laptop. I give up. Honestly.

It’s raining, and on one hand, I couldn’t be happier, given how much I enjoy a nice rain. Too bad I an now worried about getting my iPhone wet. Bastards.

I have spent the day listening to Internet radio, one of the world’s best things ever. Mm. I am in a strangely good mood. Let’s see how long this lasts, haha.

Walked into the break room this morning and part of the ceiling was moved. I think we have a ninja. Have to be careful about those, seriously. Sigh.

I am now the owner if a shiny 8GB iPhone. With the advent of the App Store, seems perhaps a good time to take a reinterest in my handy dandy blog for the first time in forever. We shall see how that goes, hm?